Monday, October 22, 2007

You see...there's this tape.

I have two very close friends. One I've known since 1984 and the other since around 1989. The most important events of my life in the last 20 years have had these two nearby. We're close in that we have this loose brotherhood. Less like Stand By Me and far from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants...but more like a sequel to Animal House that was never made...we know each other so well that we don't require catching up on each other's lives over a cup of some hot international coffees.

I introduced these two guys to each other which brings me to the topic. You see...there's this tape. To conceal their identities I'll give them Animal House nicknames. Otter and I worked together and were responsible for writing this column in the company newsletter that went out monthly. We worked for a very large family owned company. To get ideas for our column we decided to tape record ourselves talking while at his apartment. On this night I brought Bluto over and this is where they met.

The tape ended up having things on it that went far beyond just ideas for a column but Bluto and Otter got along great and exchanged rude barbs back and forth over the course of an evening that also involved completely finishing roughly a case and a half of the best beer that pre-21 year olds could afford. In other words the tape is a train wreck. Maybe more like a train hauling lots of beer going over a tall trestle that is booby trapped with dynamite. As the train comes off the track it lands on an elementary school killing everything in its wake and leaving the remains soaked with the smell of beer. It was that kind of evening...and much of the audio was captured.

At the end of the evening (that trailed into the morning) I popped the cassette into my pocket. Later when the question of the where the tape ended up they were both relatively relieved that I was in possession of it. I was voted the least likely to use it to exploit the others.

Preserving the audio has been important for me because it is the first moment where our lives collided. So for reasons of sentiment I wish to have this audio live on for a few more decades. This means of course performing an analog to digital conversion. As I mentioned that I'm going to do that my motivation has been called into question as Otter thinks I'll release it to the press when he runs for office. Bluto thinks the whole thing is funny and would also like to see it released to further embarass Otter.

Personally I think that most of it isn't that humorous and the humor doesn't translate too well to the mainstream. I'd compare it to watching David Hasselhoff eating a hamburger while hammered. Fascinating yes, but also pathetic at the same time.

So that said...who wants to hear a clip of it?


Mr. Evil said...

For the love of God, just put the whole recording on the internet already. Otter is a total dweeb anyway.

ronald said...

I'm kind of curious about this tape...Mr. Evil do you know Otter?

Mr. Evil said...

Unfortunately yes.

Alex said...

I'm not sure you should trust the motivations of Mr. Evil. Does Otter know you're thinking of letting us all hear the tape?

If they're Bluto and Otter then who are you?

Mr. Evil said...

I am the Lord of Evil, that is who I am. As far as Otter is concerned who cares what he thinks? You act like this is a democracy..... I never ever want my taxes raised, but my whore of a governor keeps raising them anyway.

robert the grump said...

I've heard some of the tape. Tracy is Flounder. He sounds like someone dared him to drink a fifth of Scotch in one gulp, and he succeeded.

And despite that, he has the least to be embarrassed about.

Ronald said...

Tracy drunk? I want to hear it!

Esther said...

I want to hear a clip from the tape. Even though I have a phobia of drunk people.

Alex said...

I am uneasy around people who are drunk but people who are drunk on tv or on audio make me laugh. i gguess that makes me weird

Tracy said...

I'm more like Pinto than Flounder.

I'm putting together a digital clip right now. I've included a small section with me on it and it's true...I sound amazingly wasted. Alcohol abuse has been a part of my past...take that for what it is.

Mr. Evil...if you are who I think you are then you're right...Otter can be a dweeb and your governor is a whore.

Esther...these guys would scare you more sober honestly.

PlatinumGirl said...

Oh yeah, of course I wanna hear a clip!

Anonymous said...

Otter is a dweeb. But I find it curious that your friends have a perceived level of trust in you that is now up for bid in a public forum. Your lack of discretion flies in the face of that trust. Are all Libertarians this "trustworthy"?
What office is he running for anyways?

Anonymous said...

Folks, don't let the cool Henry Rollins-esque photo of Tracy fool you...he's as much of a dweeb as I am. I mean Otter is. Damn.

I never said I was running for office...I said "if" I was going to run for office...Tracy, if I promise to never run for office...and to vote Libertarian...and to not let mr. evil make gay jokes at your expense...will you please destroy the tape?

And, please...Tracy held on to this for sentimental reasons? The naked Betty White glossy maybe, but not this.

It's an embarrassment, but not the funny, "oops I just crapped my pants in public and it's kinda squishy" sort of embarrassment (because fecal jokes truly are funny, regardless of their nature).

As I've mentioned many times over the years, I'd prefer you not release the tape. I'd also prefer that you destroy it, or give it back to me so I can destroy it.


Tracy said...

No way. Most libertarians are way more trustworthy than I am...duh! Who said I was trustworthy? I specifically said I was thought to be the least likely to exploit the others...I still plan to abide by that but not because of your pretend moral outrage. Ride the high horse to another blog already.

Also you must know that this isn't up for bid. As Mr. Evil indicated...this isn't a democracy.

More on this post to come.

Tina said...

I've been reading Tracy's blog for over two years and I am sure he's not going to do any harm to anyone let alone hurt his friends. Not unless it is really funny! HA HA!

Mr. Evil said...

It is sad that one would even suggest destroying the tape. I would say with out a doubt the guy that should be most embarassed by this tape is me. The fact is, I could careless.

I look at this tape as a reminder to a fun era in my life. When $20 could get a case and a half of beer, some chips and a bag of chips ahoy cookies and that is all we would need on a friday night.

There were no wives, kids, mortgage payments, stressful jobs, it was just a lot of beer and a good time. Everytime I hear the tape it brings back fun memories.

I say the tape should be sent to record companies and sold as a comedy CD in stores. Unfortunately Tracy is probably right that we find it far more funny then 99.9999% of everyone else.

Ronald said...

Hey Anon, you are a complete jackass. Not only are you suggesting Tracy is untrustworthy but now are asking if all libertarians are trustworthy as if Tracy is a spokesman for the politically independent?

Let me ask you this...are all people who take jabs at other people while hiding behind a curtain of anonimity as big an ass as you? Are you a spokesman for all assholes? If you're not they should consider hiring you because you'd be a good one.

Let's hear the clip!