Wednesday, March 21, 2007

A word about this week

My job has taken me off to an undisclosed location so obscure that even Dick Cheney has never been there. I will not return to a normal schedule until Friday so look for a post then.

Because baseball season is just around the corner, here are some subjects I'm toying with:

1. Pete Rose deserves to be in the Hall of Fame....when they make a Hall of Fame for complete dumbasses.

2. Fenway Park is a joke and should be torn down.

3. Which Presidential Candidate is the equivalent of the Seattle Mariners.

We'll be blogging atcha later.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

St. Patrick's Day (post #2)

Today I'm headed into the big city (Seattle) to watch the St. Patrick's Day parade. For dinner I'm having Corned Beef (I know it's not technically not Irish) and potatoes...washed down by a bottle of Smithwick's.

I think learning the right lessons from one's heritage is important. Every heritage is filled with things to celebrate and things to abhor and the Irish are no exception. My own family came to North America not because of poverty and famine but rather to embrace an opportunity to leave the strife caused by being Protestant Irish...just to live in Canada. To think living in Canada is an upgrade, you'd have to be pretty bad off.

The lessons I learn from being Irish are...know when you're on a sinking ship and go find a better opportunity...even if it's Canada.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Presidential Candidate Anagrams

...and their secret meanings:

Barak Hussein Obama - MARIHUANA AS KEBOBS (High times for Obama)

Bill Richardson - BRR CHILL DO A SIN (A cold man lacking moral authority)

Hillary Clinton - ONLY I CAN THRILL (Enlisted Grump's help on this one)

Albert Gore - BAR TREE LOG - (Tree hugger is against logging)

Joe Biden - I NEED JOB - (Enough said)

Ralph Nader - HARDER PLAN (...for America to swallow.)

Mitt Romney - OMIT MY RENT (for low cost housing)

Rudy Guliani - URINAL ID GUY (Makes the National ID card seem small)

Congressman Ron Paul - CALMER GUN ON ASS PORN (Typical libertarian soft on porn)

Senator John McCain - JOINS A MERCHANT CON (involved in corporate fraud?)

Dennis Kucinich - NUDE CHIC IN SINK (He has a kinky side)

Speaker Newt Gingrich - A CHEEKING TWERP GRINS (This one is almost good)

Tommy Thompson - THY MOM MOP SNOT (He insulted your mother!)

and finally...

Chuck Nagel - LAUGH CHECK (True enough)

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Movies that have shaped my life

I've always loved movies. Living in a small town that had no movie theater my only exposure to movies was from school or television. I remember staying after school to watch Dumbo in the gym. I paid one dollar (in pennies) and sat quietly eating a bag of popcorn. My sister was seven years older than me and she usually recommended movies to me.

I've seen hundreds of movies but only a few can be responsible for shaping my life. These movies aren't necessarily my favorites...this is not a 'my favorite movies' post. If there are any that made an impact on you, I'd like to hear.

Animal House (1978)-

What I learned from Animal House is that pretty girls will pretend not to like you when they're with their friends but if you can get them away from their stuck up friends and add alcohol to the've got yourself a good time. Another message is that it is fun to take your creative energy and ruin parades. This is a must see film.

American Graffiti (1973)-

This is a Lucas film that didn't suck. It also is a groundbreaking film for several big stars...but you can read about that on any two-bit movie website. What this movie taught me is that staying out all night and driving fast cars was fun. The greater impact it made on me was learning about moving on in life and making adult decisions. This movie made me think about all the losers that had left high school only to hang around our small town amounting to nothing. Countless 19 and 20 year olds died in car accidents in the area I lived because they never grew up. This movie also set the stage for Happy Days which was one of my all-time favorite shows. (at least the first 3 seasons)

Bad News Bears (1976)-

This isn't a kids movie. If you want a safer kids version watch The Mighty Ducks. I'm not just saying that...the Mighty Ducks is the exact same movie except cleaned up a bit. I've seen the recent remake and I don't hate it but it lacks the 'this is so wrong' feeling of the original. My favorite part was the ending where after losing the championship the entire team of 10 year olds celebrates with beers. Once more after gaining the respect of their arch-rivals (who win the championship) the Bad News Bears tell them to stick the trophy up their asses. Go to some bargain bin of DVD's and get this one for 7 bucks. I did.

King Kong (1976)-

As a kid this movie had everything I wanted: Full-color action of a giant gorilla that lived on a mysterious island. As a teenager I liked it because it spoke to the part of every red-blooded boy that wondered what it would be like to have a young Jessica Lange in the palm of your hand. The movie by today's standards is almost unwatchable (as most 70's movies are) but the most important elements of this movie are still in play and Jessica was central to it all.

Shadowlands (1993)-

I must confess this would be in my favorites as well. I love this movie and I love the story. The movie has never ceased to bring a tear to my eye. I love the expressions of faith and love that linger through the movie and provide the backbone of hope in what is an inspiring though profoundly sad story. As someone who has helped a few people in my life deal with loss, I try not to hold myself back from investing myself emotionally to people in need.

All of these movies may equal the total story of my life thus far. A kid who drinks beer and plays on a terrible baseball team causing trouble only to be a teenager that causes trouble and drives fast cars then joins a zoo fraternity and flunks out of college...then uses his creative energy to ruin a parade...and later becomes a giant gorilla and uses pretty women as play things only to be transformed by gestures of love and faith. Yup, that's me in a nutshell.

Any movies impact any of you?

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Medicated Blog Post #4

By now you should be used to these. One or two times a year I keep snot from running down my face by loading up on cold medicine. Aside from stopping the free flow of mucus, the following thoughts result.

The CPAC conference shows how ugly conservatism is when it loses it's libertarian leanings...don't worry...the left is just as ugly.

The Seattle Mariners are in Spring Training. I can tell it's Spring with the scent of disappointment already in the air.

Went to a local Harley Davidson place. The era of the motorcycle outlaw drifter dude is over. Most of their bikes cost more than my car and their parking lot had several Mercedes and a few Lexus...what is plural form of Lexus?....Lexuses? Ugh. Anyway...if a local motorcycle gang comes rolling into your town chances are there is a wine tasting event going on. Posers.

Haven't heard from the Pope lately. I thought he was supposed to be a controversial he's as silent as an Orthodox patriarch.

I was thinking this morning how much I like Pete Townshend's one-note guitar solos. Magical.

The movie 'Fly Boys' was terrible. I did however like watching all of the World War I dogfighting...the rest of the movie was ass.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

ABC News

Why do I bother watching TV at all? I came home and turned the stereo on and accidently set it to the sound of the television. This is where I heard the story about the General who was in charge of Walter Reed Hospital was relieved of his command. I turned on the television and saw that it was in pretty sad shape. I saw mold on the walls and whatever...stuff you'd half-expect from a military hospital if you're cycnical like me.

But what I saw next was even more shocking:

Problems at the facility have caused public outrage and prompted 2008 presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., to offer a bill today that aims to resolve the site's problems.

"That can't be the proper response, silencing and punishing our injured soldiers for trying to get the mold off their walls," Obama said.

Isn't that great of Barak Obama to suddenly come out with a bill that is against mold in military hospitals...coincidently timed with a news story? Like this is news? ABC just made an in-kind contribution to the Obama campaign without knowing it.

What incredible leadership it shows to come out against mold. Maybe Senator Obama could sit down and debate the pro-mold candidate so America can truly decide.

What a tool. Get out and support Ron Paul and give up supporting these self-serving chumps like the good senator from Illinois.