...I'd be a Mybackisaurus.
Walking on my backyard retaining wall I maneuvered around my deck (which I've done dozens of times). To steady myself I held onto one of the vertical rails only this time the rail I used for support came off in my hand.
I fell backwards about 5 feet down and landed on my back. Don't be alarmed though, my fall was cushioned by blackberry bushes.
My back now feels like I carried Oprah up twenty flights of stairs then set her down only to put on a shirt that had five fighting cats in it.