Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Salesmen and stupid dinner party conversation

I was recently at a dinner party. I'm not much of the dinner party type to be quite honest but I like most of the people who were attending this function. I can be known to enjoy conversation although I'm more of a listener than anyone who can be confused as the life of the party.

At this dinner party was a salesman. I can always tell when someone is in sales before they mention what they do because they ask lots of questions and don't listen to a single one of your answers. This guy (I'll call him Justin) asked me what I did for a living three times and never really listened to a word I said. Salesmen like "Justin" annoy me and I can't resist the temptation to screw with them.

I mentioned that I had sold my car recently and in a predictable response he said, "So you sell cars, that's great!" Now keep in mind that I told him what I actually do for a living and never ever once did I say I sold cars. But instead of correcting him and telling him yet again I just decided to play along.

First he tells me "I have great respect for people who sell cars." Now if you know any sales people you know this is code. This means that he thinks that selling cars isn't worthy of respect and ranks down near selling DVD players and washing machines. So basically he's pretending to show me respect for a line of work I don't even do. I pretended to be flattered by his admission of respect for what he thinks I do for a living (again because he's an idiot) and I begin to tell him the secrets of selling cars. He listens and asks tons of questions. Everyone else at the table knows I don't sell cars. Everyone else at the table works with this salesman and every minute that passes by while I spout off bullshit about a job I know nothing about emphasizes that this guy is a complete tool. In other words I'm in my element.

Then "Justin" starts talking about current affairs. He basically knows nothing except to bash the Bush administration like anyone who lives in Seattle. But instead of defending Bush I suggest that his so-called solution for stem-cell research is flawed because it defies the laws of economics and personal incentive. He then says, "...well we shouldn't talk about politics in mixed company." and then proceeds to leave the table. This is typical of Seattle liberals when confronted with the radical notion of something known as "an opposing view."

I have since offered my help to him in getting a good deal on a car if and when he is interested...since I'm an insider in his tiny mind.

I think I may tell him to use a 'code phrase' with the salesman to get an insider deal...something like "I'd like you to slip me into something with leather." I'll add that to seal the deal he has to offer the code phrase with a knowing wink. At that point I hope he finds the kind of deal he deserves.


Anonymous said...

Holy crap! That was brilliant! I can totally relate to this and have had the same experience w/ this same individual on many levels and occations. It is a bit ironic that someone who gets paid to be perceptive, engaging and convincing, completely falls short in the eyes of "real", everyday people - AKA their target audience.

Anonymous said...

"...this guy is a complete tool." about sums it up.

Robert the Grump said...

I hope he comes back for advice on buying a new car.

Tracy is a big Hyundai fan and will no doubt insist that he buy one. Maybe he'll be really mean and tell him to pick up a used Kia.

That's what's so funny about Tracy posing as a car salesman. He'd drive a Yugo if he could still find one that runs.

Anonymous said...

"I have great respect for people who sell cars."
I've heard statements start off this way SO MANY times before.

Tracy said...

Now I wouldn't recommend a Hyundai to him. Only two words come to mind when recommending a car to this guy: General Motors.

Gino said...

no shit, tracy is a hyundai fan,eh?
i spoke of cruisin in a hyudai last fall.


i'm on my second sante fe.
there may be a third.
i've never driven so well and so cheaply before in my life

Esther said...

That's great. I wish I could think to do things like that to people who annoy me. I've been known simply to tell people when I dislike them, in so many words. Yeah. But coming up with a way of mocking someone when the person does not even know they're being mocked, now that's something I have always admired.

Some salespeople do listen, they're usually the ones I'm willing to buy stuff from.

Tracy said...

Gino, I've owned 4 Hyundais. I also ride a Korean made motorcycle.

Esther, there's an art to mocking people in this manner...it's taken years of practice.