We’ve been together for about a year now and at first, like any new relationship things were hot and it was fun just learning what buttons to push.
Lately it hasn’t been the same. The toaster just takes its time with my toast knowing full well that I have the same amount of time to get ready in the morning that I had months ago. It seems later and later each morning and the toast eventually just flips up without conviction or concern. “Here you go.” it seems to say as it casually flips my morning quick meal at me.
If the indifference were not enough, the buttons aren’t responding either. Frozen. Bagel. Nothing works. I end up getting it the way the toaster will put out and if I don’t like it then I can just pound sand for breakfast. I’m getting pretty sick of it.
I want a toaster that can adapt with me. Maybe handle some variety like a frozen waffle every once in awhile. I don’t always have to have it quick, but I’d like it to care a little bit if I’m pressed for time. I need a toaster that recognizes my needs. Toast.
Tomorrow I’m insisting the toaster leaves the house. I don’t even want to be friends anymore; the experiment is over. Go deliver half-assed attempts at toasted bread for someone else. I’m done with it.