Salesmen and stupid dinner party conversation

I was recently at a dinner party. I'm not much of the dinner party type to be quite honest but I like most of the people who were attending this function. I can be known to enjoy conversation although I'm more of a listener than anyone who can be confused as the life of the party.

At this dinner party was a salesman. I can always tell when someone is in sales before they mention what they do because they ask lots of questions and don't listen to a single one of your answers. This guy (I'll call him Justin) asked me what I did for a living three times and never really listened to a word I said. Salesmen like "Justin" annoy me and I can't resist the temptation to screw with them.

I mentioned that I had sold my car recently and in a predictable response he said, "So you sell cars, that's great!" Now keep in mind that I told him what I actually do for a living and never ever once did I say I sold cars. But instead of correcting him and telling him yet again I just decided to play along.

First he tells me "I have great respect for people who sell cars." Now if you know any sales people you know this is code. This means that he thinks that selling cars isn't worthy of respect and ranks down near selling DVD players and washing machines. So basically he's pretending to show me respect for a line of work I don't even do. I pretended to be flattered by his admission of respect for what he thinks I do for a living (again because he's an idiot) and I begin to tell him the secrets of selling cars. He listens and asks tons of questions. Everyone else at the table knows I don't sell cars. Everyone else at the table works with this salesman and every minute that passes by while I spout off bullshit about a job I know nothing about emphasizes that this guy is a complete tool. In other words I'm in my element.

Then "Justin" starts talking about current affairs. He basically knows nothing except to bash the Bush administration like anyone who lives in Seattle. But instead of defending Bush I suggest that his so-called solution for stem-cell research is flawed because it defies the laws of economics and personal incentive. He then says, "...well we shouldn't talk about politics in mixed company." and then proceeds to leave the table. This is typical of Seattle liberals when confronted with the radical notion of something known as "an opposing view."

I have since offered my help to him in getting a good deal on a car if and when he is interested...since I'm an insider in his tiny mind.

I think I may tell him to use a 'code phrase' with the salesman to get an insider deal...something like "I'd like you to slip me into something with leather." I'll add that to seal the deal he has to offer the code phrase with a knowing wink. At that point I hope he finds the kind of deal he deserves.

Our solar system just became less accepting

The Bush Administration has once again let the 'little guy' down by their dangerous and reckless policies. Now a planet in our solar system is the latest victim of so-called "Compassionate Conservatism."

Pluto, whose only crime is being the smallest planet in our solar system, is now on the outside looking in as the exclusive club of 'planets' just became smaller.

I guess if this type of thing continues to happen to small plants that are far away then which soon-to-be-former planet will be next? If we can't send a probe to Uranus then I guess we just tell them to find another solar system? This policy must stop now.

Yes, I realize I said "send a probe to Uranus." Snicker.

Things that are fun to believe...but probably aren't true.

These things are fun to believe in:

That the lunar landing was faked.

That someone not named Oswald killed JFK.

That Democrats actually care about minorities and working people.

That Republicans really care about the deficit.

That the Federal Reserve is a corrupt secret society of private bankers.

That Condi and Dubya are getting it on.

That John Kerry's skin is naturally orange.

That Jimmy Page (former Led Zep guitarist) isn't an evil mastermind behind all celebrity deaths.

That listening to Joe Satriani is cool.

That most of you know who Jimmy Page and Joe Satriani are.

People!

Most of you who will read this will not have any idea what I'm talking about. Grump however shares my love for 60's Psychadelic Rock so he'll appreciate my description of my weekend as I take a break from telling you how worthless Republicans are.

I saw a reunion concert of the 60's band People!. No, I'm not shouting they actually had an exclamation point in their name. Their only big hit came the year I was born and was a song originally performed by the Zombies. I never really liked the song however they had alot of other great songs.

The best part about the group is that they are a group that makes up the subtext of the era. Everyone knows the big names, but instead it's bands like Love, Moby Grape, and People! that describe the time more fully. I always love the band that becomes the footnote in any music genre discussion because they are generally the honest influence behind the chart toppers. These are the bands that changed the culture but didn't make nearly as much money.

I'd also like to add that I blame George W. Bush for the break-up of People! in the late 60's.

I'm going to sharing some new information about my upcoming and long overdue book...look for it.

Bruce Guthrie

Bruce Guthrie is running for US Senate for the State of Washington against incumbent Maria Cantwell.

His website is here.

Bruce is the only candidate in the race that is:

For bringing home the troops from Iraq.
Reducing troops permanently stationed abroad.
For marriage equality.
(To conservatives out there I'm not sure his position on whether a human can marry their dog but stay tuned for updates on his site)
For eliminating budget deficits

Maria Cantwell's campaign called me the other evening at home and asked if they could count on my support again. Funny, since I've never voted for her in my life and routinely call her "Maria Can't Vote Well" She was also an executive at Real Networks and I've always hated Real Player.

Anyway, visit Bruce's site and get to know him

Message to the FEC:

I don't work for Bruce's campaign nor is my post any type of in-kind donation to his campaign or Senator Cantwell's so back off.

Republicans Deserve to lose in '06

I'm actively discouraging everyone I know from voting for any Republicans on the Federal Level in 2006. I believe that the best thing we can do for this country is have some good old fashioned gridlock.

Since so many of you Republicans visit this blog (and I appreciate your presence dearly) please tell me why Republicans deserve another chance. I'm curious what you think...or if you think. (excuse the cheapshot there)

The Minimum Wage

It's the same discussion that comes up every few years...what to do about the Federal Minimum Wage.

Many Democrats push the old argument that if you're against raising it then you're against the working poor and don't want to give a livable wage to a single woman who waits tables to feed her four kids. Her kids are already mal-nourished because you're the same person who wants to cut their free food program at school...oh and you poison their water also.

If you're for the minimum wage then you're compassionate and loving and one with the universe but you think it's compassionate to mandate that people live on a slightly higher (yes still unlivable) wage.

How high should the minimum wage be? I know how much it costs to live these days...maybe it should be $15 dollars an hour. Why should anyone in America have to work for less than 30k a year? After all, the mother with four kids is not going to be able to give her children any kind of life on less than 30k a year. But 30k a year isn't really that much and it certainly doesn't make up for what should be a 2nd income that a spouse would provide. Why not have the minimum wage also make up for the salary inequity that results from her being a woman. Her earning potential is less so really her annual salary based on a truly compassionate minimum wage should be $50,000.

But what do I know? I'm just a heartless libertarian that doesn't want to help anyone who is on the bottom rung. After all I grew up in a relatively stable family, a good house with indoor plumbing, had middle-income parents and unfairly had life opportunities that gave me advantage in life that poor people couldn't possibly know without a compassionate and fair minimum wage.

Except that I'm a libertarian, nothing in the previous paragraph is true.