Names

When my wife and I were expecting the arrival of our children we spent a lot of time discussing names.  We went through our family tree, in one branch, about four centuries back.  We didn't find much that was helpful.  For my second son, he actually came home from the hospital without a name.  We couldn't agree completely on the perfect name so he had to wait.  It seemed like something we wanted to take seriously.

My six year old son thinks that names are important but not so important that he will take more than a split second to come up with a name.  He has a stuffed dog with two spots on it.   His name?  Spot Spot.  He is growing a pair of Venus Fly Traps which he also named:  Venus and Trap.

I hope this trend changes otherewise, in future years, this blog will proudly show photos of my grandkids, Slimey and Purple Face.

My writing project

I mentioned in a post last November that I have been excited to talk about things I’ve been working on but resisted so I could concentrate on actually finishing my project. 

Just after the hiatus of the Dave and Steve Show and before my mom took ill I had begun working on a side writing project.  It was mostly a creative writing exercise to help me unwind sometime between 10pm and Midnight when I was able to finally sit down and take a break from work, parenting, etc. 

When I was taking care of my mom and then later, the affairs of her estate, this project became a nice diversion from the stress that was all around me.  It wasn’t long before my little side project became a full-fledged book.

So what is it?  Fiction?  Non-fiction?  A coffee table book?

No, it’s uh…Autobiographical fiction.

Most autobiographies are fiction, I’m just telling you it’s all lies before you read it.

In truth, I was on a relatively popular podcast called, Dave and Steve Show which ended about a year and a half ago.  I’m still in touch with a hand full of listeners from that show.  This book chronicles the rise and fall of the show, but it does so from my imagination.  Chances are if you interacted with the show in any way, you are fictitiously included in the book. 

Even though this isn’t my most serious literary effort, don’t think for a minute that I’m not proud of it.  It is action-packed, touching, lascivious, redemptive and contains a foreword written by Bigfoot.  It’s 250 pages of some of the greatest fun-filled moments my brain could invent during the last stressful year or so of my life.

I’m excited to be sharing it with you soon.  Stay tuned.

An Open Letter to Estate Sale shoppers

Dear Estate Sale Shoppers,

It was great having about a thousand of you visiting me this last weekend.  I got to talk with many of you and hear your stories, your wants, and your disappointments.  I pretended to care about whether something went for 7 dollars or 5 dollars.  I tried to treat you all with respect.  

I encountered a few things that warrant some reminders that may be helpful in your future Estate Sale shopping.

1. My garage is not a local store, it is my home.  When I put up big signs that tell you the sale starts at 9am that doesn't mean you show up at 8am to get an early look while I'm getting my kids breakfast.  I tried to be kind to you but when you got pushy you were getting very close to a line you don't want to cross.  Please wait until I'm ready.
   
2. When you say you're unimpressed with the Estate Sale because it doesn't have anything that you want (antique jewelry, antique furniture and rare items) you acted like I failed you somehow.  You acted like I led you to believe that I had all of these items.  You acted like the low-income status that my family has lived in my whole life was some sort of life-long plan to screw you out of an afternoon.  I'm sorry we didn't have any of those things and my parents lived simple and honorable lives, paid their own way, lived debt free, and didn't take a dime of assistance that wasn't given voluntarily. 
   
3. Remember that these items have stories.  Sure it's a box of junk, but it was junk that was in the top drawer of dad's table.  It's an exciting treasure to you but it's another step of the long process of saying good-bye for the seller.  Take a second to remember that while you're putting your foot down that the price should be fifty cents less.
   
4. If you don't have much money but have a great need for something, say so.  I was glad to almost give away an item that a couple needed for an elderly parent that lived with them.  They didn't come prepared with lots of cash but spoke of how much this item would help the parent have some independence while taking a bath.  I made up my mind that they would leave with this item, money or not.
   
5. You and I both know you don't need this stuff.  You and I both know that this stuff is just going home to your house to sit by other piles of stuff.  You have a problem, and for this one weekend, I was your enabler.  Have fun but remember, when you die your kids get to do what I'm doing.

That's about it.  It was great meeting all of you.  Let's hope we never reunite in a garage again.